Hello, Mr. Robot — Welcome to Earth. My name is Rayne, I’m a tri-colored beagle and I will be your tour guide for today. I don’t have much time before my human comes home, so let’s make this tour quick. Earth is a beautiful place with many complex features. It has metropolitans filled with humans, animals, giant buildings and other robots. Let’s take a walk through the city. Put on this coat, hat and hold on to my leash so you don’t get lost. As we are walking through the city I want you to be aware that things are not what they appear at a first glance. I will go into detail as we move forward.
As we are walking on the sidewalk, take a look at the two-armed, two-legged things layered with clothing across from us rushing to get somewhere. Those things are humans. Humans come in many forms, shapes, and sizes. Some have fur on their head and some don’t, while some are big and others are small. When you look at them at first, they look mean and angry, but that is not true. That is their thinking face. If you smile and wave at them they will smile and wave back. They are in reality very nice and friendly. Their first impression is not always the best. But that is ok. You need to get to know them to understand them.
Those robots on the road are cars. They have been here since the beginning of time. They are just like you. Cars have formed a strategic alliance with humans. They help humans get from one place to another and in return humans clean them and feed them. I have been in a car a few times and I must say that I like them. They are roomie on the inside and they have cool windows that can go up or down. When a car is taking me somewhere I like to stick my head out the window and bark at other dogs and humans.
Ah, look at that human over there with that little robot in his hand. Just as my humans give me scratchies, they give scratchies to those little robots. I believe they call those little robots ‘phones’. I see humans talking to them all the time. Those things respond back to humans with strange beep-boop sounds. If a human loses their little robot buddy, they become very sad and frustrated. I remember when my human lost his buddy, the human frantically searched for it while mindlessly talking to himself. It was bizarre.
Checkout this cool place. This is called a coffeeshop. Look through the coffeeshop window and you will see humans scratching larger robots. These larger robots are called ‘computers’. Humans can scratch those computers with their paws for many hours. Sometimes their phone gets jealous and start making beep-boop sounds. When this happens, the human goes to comfort it. If the phone is not happy, its beep-boop sounds become louder, embarrassing the human in front of other humans. Very fascinating to watch.
Be careful as we are getting around this crowd of humans. Saying excuse me will not work. They can’t hear us because they have those little pod things in their ears. Those little pods are called headphones. I went to check them out once when my human left his on the floor back at home. Those pod things continuously play strange noises and human sounds. I believe they use this tool to learn to speak and understand the world around them. I’m not entirely sure why, but humans are not like us who can naturally communicate so they need tools like this to learn things we already know.
Looks like my humans just got home! Alright Mr. Robot, this is the end of the tour. I need to get back before they find out I’m not at the house and they get worried. If you have any questions feel free to stop by. Remember — humans and robots live in harmony. You will fit in with all the other robots and humans just fine. Take care for now.
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